Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Two words: nipple clamps
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