Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
