is your mom at the bar?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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