Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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