she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
