Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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