I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
