Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
