A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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