i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
