ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
