Is it normal to miss your booty call?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
