thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
