dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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