I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
