Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
