I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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