It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
