turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
