I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
