He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
