Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
