We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
