.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
