I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
