Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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