Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
