idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
