I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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