If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
