she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
