I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
