New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Randomize
