Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
