somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
