These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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