My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
