8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
