From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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