you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
