There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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