So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
