I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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