I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
