i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
