Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
