allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
