i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
