Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
