when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
