who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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