neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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