Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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